Imagine

First, let me apologize for yet another project I started and didn’t finish…It’s kind of the story of my life! I blame my father….ie my playhouse that after almost 22 years of my life, STILL not done! Also, that pony I was supposed to get for my birthday/Christmas from ages 5-13…STILL waiting! I have all these fabulous ideas, but when it comes down to it, I really only get the first part done and then get so busy with everything else, I put it on the back burner. So, SORRY! Not that I really left a huge cliff-hanger ending, but I know how much I actually enjoy just sitting down and writing all my crazy stories out. This entry will most likely be a cornucopia of random. Don’t act surprised, you all know that’s kinda how I roll…in a wheelchair. Honestly, I don’t really think a lot about what I’m writing, I just type away. Most importantly, it’s a stress relief for me to just get out all the things stuck in my “hoppin’ the border” packed brain.

Second, although I love the color pink, I chose this color for a reason. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Every post I write in the month of October (I hope it will be more than one) will be pink and include a link to a site where you just have to click to donate a FREE mammogram. The click is free and worth a ton! There have been so many women in my life who have struggled with breast cancer. Some have lost the battle, others have pushed through and won, and some are still fighting. So here is my “not-so-shameless” plug for the week, PLEASE CLICK www.thebreastcancersite.com! Donate if you can, buy the arm-bands. Some even say “I <3 boobies!” www.keep-a-breast.org/programs/i-love-boobies/  Does it get any better??? I think not!

The real meat and potatoes:

A lot has happened in the month that I’ve been away. This entry, as I said before will be pretty random. Some ups/downs, laughs/cries. As I stated in my first entry, my general plan for my blog is to keep a positive mindset, however there are plenty of things going on in this world, that aren’t all rainbows and sunflowers. I’d like to add my two pennies to that…see what I did there.

I’m going to start with the bad stuff first, with the hopes to leave you with a smile on your face…that’s what she said. OK, so I’m going to be “appropriate” now.

I’m sure many of you heard about the awful incident that took place at Rutger’s University this past week. A young student was the victim of video harassment, and took his own life because of it. This whole incident truly sickens me! As many of us look back on our freshman year or early years of college, I’m sure we can say it was the time when we were discovering who we were. We took off the training wheels, and were trying to ride on our own. Of course, we tried to keep our balance, but everyone fell to the ground at least once. So we learned to get back up, get a Barbie band-aid, and try again. Eventually it all fit into place. I would be lying if there weren’t things I wish I could re-do, but that’s life. C’EST LA VIE!

The unfortunate part of this entire situation is that instead of talking to someone, Tyler took his own life. I feel awful that Tyler didn’t feel like he had any other options. His roommate and others, who were involved in posting the videos, should absolutely be charged with extreme sentences. They will live with their actions for the rest of their lives, and no amount of time in jail will bring Tyler back. Tyler’s family has to live with questions that can never be answered. The act of suicide is not fixable, changing how we treat others is.

As someone who tries to find the positive in life, it is so hard to find the silver lining in a story like this. I can only hope that Tyler is in a place where he can be free to be whoever he wants to be, a place where he is not being judged for the person he is. I hope that we can all find that place here on earth. “You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will live as one.” Imagine- John Lennon

A Funny Interlude: “There she goes.”

I’d like to interrupt the depressing cry-fest, with an “Oh, Marge” moment. If I wrote a blog for every one of these, I would have a book…Oh wait, that’s a good idea. Well, here is one that should put a smile on your face and a laugh in your heart.

When I moved back to my apartment in Jersey, at the end of August, my fabulous roommates and I joined Gold’s Gym. This is NOT an advertisement for Gold’s but I’ve never been in love with the gym, and now I am. It’s changing my life, but more about that later. So, Katie and I were going to our usual BodyJam class, a workout/dance incorporated class that takes a level of grace and athleticism (both, I can only hope to acquire in due time). We had attended the class about 3 or 4 times before, but the music changes every few classes, so some moves are new and difficult, at least for you’re dear klutzy friend here. We were in the middle of some spin do-dad thingy, (I’m sure it has a name) and I lost all balance. Not that I had a lot of it to begin with, but still, Marge took a tumble. One minute I was a suave dancer, the next I was sitting on the floor saying “Oh, shit. Here we go again.” I jumped up and kept going. How Katie kept on dancing without laughing, still amazes me. How I jumped up and kept going, shocks me. I must be learning something, because Old Marge would have stopped, peed her pants laughing, and probably needed her inhaler. Haha. I’m a pathetic, un-graceful, mess and I LOVE it. Are you laughing? If not, picture it in your head. I really need a TV crew following me around. I’m so much better than The Jersey Shore.

I Feel Pretty: My new love for the gym…and my body.

After years of making excuses, belittling myself and forcing myself to believe that I could never change who I was, I’ve made a promise to myself to get healthy. Not to give a long, detailed, “Biggest Loser”, introduction to my life’s literally “biggest” problems, but in thinking back over the past 5-8 years, I can’t remember a time when I looked in the mirror and thought “Wow, I feel pretty.” Since middle school, I have always been the bigger girl. Throughout the years, I’ve been bullied and made feel that what I looked like was something that I couldn’t change, and that it was just something I would learn how to live with. So, for the past few years, I’ve covered my insecurities with a personality “dress.” I was taught at a young age, that if I smiled and made everyone think I was happy with myself, that people would believe me. Honestly, it worked! I was able to convince myself that I would eventually be comfortable with who I was, so I might as well start living like it.

Unfortunately, for as long as that worked, it slowly broke me down inside. I would laugh at the jokes, even make some up myself, to feel better, but when I was alone and stuck with my body, I wasn’t the one smiling. I’ve never been unsure of who I was. Since I was a little girl, I was the bubbly girl I am today. I’m 100% confident with the person I have become on the inside, but 100% disappointed in the person on the outside.

So the excuses had to go. The constant weight battle had to go. And the negative view of myself had to absolutely go. I’m starting at square one. It can only get better from here and with a positive attitude, I WILL see the results I want. Already, after a month at the gym, going to classes and training with a trainer, I’ve seen some results. I have tons more energy, I’m fitting into clothes differently, and I finally am starting to feel PRETTY! I know I have a long journey ahead of me, but with the right support, I can do it. I hope to be updating the blog-a-sphere on my results as the work continues. I only want my outside to match the person I am on the inside. 

I’ll be adding more, hopefully in the next 2/3 days. I have plenty of hilarious commentary for the past few weeks of my life, and not enough time to post it all at once. Plus, this blog ended up being 4 full pages in Microsoft word…even word was like “Ok, girl. Be done already!” Hope you enjoy it and keep the smiles bright :) 

“When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.” Author Unknown

So I’ll begin by warning that this blog wont be a “tell-all” of the life of Marge. It wont include my whole amazing life story, although pretty epic if I do say so myself, or a testimonial of why I am the way that I am now. It wont be a tribute to all the wonderful thing’s I’ve been privileged to participate in or a place for me to vent my anger after a long, frustrating day. Instead, it will be more like a compilation of day-to-day interactions, bits and pieces of my past, a glimpse of the future and most importantly and hopefully, a comedic relief for the readers as well as myself.

I want this to be like a great mix CD (no, not a playlist), but the old scratched CD that you grab from under your bed before a long car trip. A combination of old favorites that have somehow gotten buried under “whatever those kids are listening to these days”. The songs you sing at the top of your lungs when you’re by yourself on a sunny day with the sunroof and windows open that you know all the words to. The songs that feel like an old friends hug, or a favorite vacation spot. The soundtrack to your most cherished memories. My hope is that this blog will serve as this soundtrack as I divulge some of my greatest “wisdom” during this time in my life. 

OK, so as I digress and go on a complete tantrum (about 45 minutes of writing was eliminated in the process of this blog. It will return again eventually), I want to get to the “good stuff” in this “When life gives you lemons, make a lemon-tini” of a blog (ie. the vodka). What it really comes down to is this, get ready; it’s a big one. SMILE!

Now I couldn’t find the amount of calories burned in smiling BUT it takes about 16 times more muscles to frown than it does to smile, so why frown? It will lead to wrinkles! AND, for every minute of laughter, a person burns 1.3 calories.  I’m going on an all water and laughter diet! Hysterical, but not practical.  

So as most of you know, I am doing my student teaching this semester and my co-operating teaching is such a phenomenal role model. She begins every class with a “Hello class, how is everyone doing?” In one big echo you hear “I’m TERRIFIC, Mrs. M.” When explaining this opening to the 1^st graders she explained that even when there are days that we all don’t feel terrific, just saying it out loud with a smile on our face and tons of enthusiasm changes your mood for the better. I LOVE this! She has such a positive outlook on the day. Even when students could be loud, and not paying attention, she has a smile on her face and disciplines with laughter and jokes, so to keep an uplifting environment. As soon as I learned this, I knew we were going to be a perfect team. Her always energetic and positive attitude is contagious and makes each class feel comfortable and ready to learn.

On a similar note, I was looking threw my mom’s old high school yearbook this summer and the quote next to her picture was this “She puts all of her troubles in a box, sits on the lid, and laughs!” Now, if you don’t know my mom very well, just take me and add 43 years. We are the same person! It’s actually quite frightening. If I had read that quote before writing my blurb for my own yearbook, I would have used that. I’m always the one who’s laughing or making jokes and pretty much has a smile plastered to my face. I would rather have people view me as the girl with a smile than the girl who is always upset. Like Mrs. M, I feel that smiles are contagious. Sometimes just making someone laugh can change their whole day around.  Instead of getting upset that something isn’t working out, I’d rather laugh about it and work to change it than wallow. If it’s watching a Will Ferrell movie, or an old episode of The Office, or maybe some crazy new YouTube video, laughter is a cure-all for almost anything. Yes, it wont find a cure for cancer or bring back someone who has past, but maybe it could be just the thing to set you back on track to living your life. Sometimes, its just flashing your pearly whites (make sure to floss) to a stranger at the post office, or someone who just looks lost, that could completely change both of your days around.

So here comes the “funny business”. I’m going to try and re-cap some of the past few events that only I can get myself into and out of with a smile on my face. Here it goes!

I was running a bunch of errands the other day once I got out of school. I had to mail off some ridiculously late thank-you notes at the post office but had a ton of other things on my mind. I ran it, threw the notes in slot and started to walk out. First, I turned in the wrong direction and nearly walked right into the wall where I had “imagined” the stairs to be. Then, with the whole line of people watching, I proceeded to turn back around and walk threw the entryway to the real steps that are lined with those security poles that they have at supermarkets. #1 What would anyone steal from a post-office? Tape? Boxes? I’m not sure, but #2 They went off. So here I am, standing between the entry and the door (freedom) looking dazed and confused about why the alarms are buzzing. Everyone is looking at me like I committed grand theft from a Post Office. This is when I busted out laughing and say loudly to myself, of course “MY ANKLE! My ankle. It set it off. That’s why! Oh, I get it” and walk out to my car laughing hysterically. (Clearly, the whole line has no idea about the 5-inch metal plate in my 21 yr old ankle, or the hilarity that caused the metal plate, but that’s neither here nor there). The line of people now think I’m a CRAZY, grand theft and that I should probably be sedated.  I can only imagine what they said when I left. Just their faces were priceless.

In finale of my first blog, I will end with the first rule of the guide to “Shut Up & Smile”.Laugh at yourself! Whether you’re alone, with friends or in a crowd of complete strangers. Be vulnerable! Laugh at your mistakes, at your awkward moments, and at the jokes only you think are funny. Laughter is the best medicine. It puts a smile on everyone’s face and is absolutely contagious. Even if there is nothing to laugh at, just start. See who follows. You may have the opportunity to change someone’s day. (Be advised of location. Funerals and churches may not be completely appropriate. I’ve tried. 75% success.)